You can find your way out of denial’s solitary confinement through communicating.
Communication creates intimacy.
Intimacy heals denial.
You will find your way out of solitary confinement by communicating with someone who is near to you now, already in your life.
They are the Golden Key for opening the door to your cell.
Whenever you decide to, you can use that Golden Key. Go and talk to them. But do not talk to them in the usual way.
Do not talk to them from intellect to intellect, or from mind to mind. Intellectual communication is a distortion that creates pseudo intimacy. It is better than nothing but not by much. It is enough to live on, but just barely. Mind to mind communication misses 80% of life.
You may not know how to communicate in a way that promotes intimacy. Entering full intimacy may be new to you. If you already know that you do not know how to communicate wholly then you can relax and try some new things in your communications. Not already knowing is the way.
Choose a person. It does not matter so much what kind of relationship you already have with this person or what kind you would like to have. It just needs to be a person willing to do this experiment with you. Make the plan with them to spend an hour and a half together in a place where you can speak privately. There may be some tears, so have tissues with you.
When you meet, share with them these instructions.
Human beings have five bodies – a physical body with organs that have sensations, a mental body with a mind that has thoughts, an emotional body with a heart that has feelings, an energetic body with a being that has presence and an archetypal body with a service that has extraordinary missions. You will be communicating in a way that uses the energy and intelligence of all five bodies rather simultaneously.
Here is what may have happened to you before. You were in relationship. In various parts of your five bodies you had considerations. Considerations about yourself, about how you feel, about the other person, about how it is for them, about what is happening right now, about what just happened, about what might happen next, about what you want, and so on. Perhaps you tried communicating about these considerations and the communications failed in some way, or the communication was too painful or too intense for you or the other person to endure. So you stopped communicating. You stopped communicating about considerations that arose in relationship. As soon as you stop intimately communicating the intimacy vanishes. Once no intimate communication is happening for a while, it cannot happen anymore. Once no intimate communication is happening the affinity between you dies. Once affinity dies, what’s the point? So you withdrew back into solitary confinement and there you stayed until now, until this moment, this moment where you have another chance.
Your new chance comes from having new clarity. The clarity is this: the Box creates denial. Denial holds you in solitary confinement. Intimacy heals the solitary confinement of denial through communication. With this new clarity you can start again with a new experiment. Use all five bodies to communicate right now about the considerations that arise for you in being with this person in relationship. Communicate about everything. Communicate all of your considerations. Start with your fears — we all have the same fears. This will take you hours and days to share. These will be hours and days of intimacy. It is so simple. Start with your sadnesses — in sorrows we are one. This will take you more hours and days. Be a little fanatical. Go a little overboard. Pick one person and do regularly scheduled communication sessions. Make the vow that in this relationship you will not let even one consideration in relationship arise without communicating about it. Do not let one consideration exist without it being shared.
Please make sure that your communication is responsible. Communicate about you, about how it is for you, about what is going on for you, not about the other person at all. Use “I” statements, “I feel scared…,” “I really want to…,” “I noticed that…,” “I was wondering what it was that…”
Do not use “you” statements. You cannot change the other person. Stop trying to change people even by insinuation. Changing them is not your job. Their considerations are none of your business. You only listen. You have no answers for them. It is not about them. It is about you sharing.
Do not act as if you are a victim. This is not about having a problem! This is only about sharing your feelings and your considerations about what is arising for you in relationship with them.
Communicating with all 5 Bodies creates intimacy in all 5 Bodies.
This Experiment is to find your way out of solitary confinement. You got yourself in there by withholding your considerations. You can find your way out of there by communicating your considerations.
And here is the miracle: denial floats to the surface and is revealed as a consideration in relationship.
Through communicating about the considerations in relationship, the considerations are no longer in denial and you are no longer in solitary confinement.
Through speaking the truth you are no longer a pathological liar.